“A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It’s not our thoughts, but our attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering. Attaching to a thought means believing that it’s true, without inquiring. A belief is a thought that we’ve been attaching to, often for years.”
The more she meditated the more she saw that her mind was always trying to tell her stories, to make sense of the world. Many of these were ghost stories and spectres - images and words (which is all imagination provides) creating a nebulous feeling of hopelessness, pain, depression and hate. Upon the new realisation she wondered how to address the ghosts, the painful stories, beliefs and assumptions. At first she tried to just ignore them. Then she tried to cover them with positive speak, but her mind was still believing them, so it never felt safe enough to believe a new story - it just created inner conflict. The old stories had been presented to her so often that she was convinced that they were true.
So she decided to meet all the thoughts with kind questioning, with time and space, leading to a simple understanding; when our beliefs argue with reality we suffer. She treated it as meditation; allowing each question to be held, without forcing answers. Almost as if the ghost thoughts were like children - they just wanted to be heard and understood before they could move on and transform. She began to see that reality was just fine and it was only her beliefs that were causing her pain. With inquiry they evaporated like the fictitious ghosts that they were.
“When we stop opposing reality, action becomes simple, fluid, kind, and fearless. An unquestioned mind is the world of suffering.”
I have used these techniques of self enquiry to great effect. BK calls it THE WORK, and I have translated the questions of the work into an easy to remember acronym. I think of this as ghostbusting! It makes it fun. My ghosts are funny, silly and after some practice they are never painful, because I see they are not real and I no longer believe what they show me. With inquiry I go inside and meet them with kind questioning, loving laughter and acceptance, freeing me from any negativity. Positivity is an natural response. It floods in and I get on with enjoying. I can move on more easily and smoothly by combining meditation and inquiry. Ghosts still appear and that's ok. It’s taken me 2 years of THE WORK to reach a threshold where I catch 80% of the ghosts within a minute. If you’re just starting, go slow, take your time and know that it will get easier with practice.
Ok, you ready? Got some negative beliefs driving your pain? Think of one now - a belief about yourself or a judgement about someone else. Where are you playing a victim? Here’s the guide to T.H.E W.O.R.K:
True, Hundred, Emotional, Without, Opposites, Real, Kind-OK.
T: TRUE: Is it true?
Ask yourself “what am I thinking that is making me feel this way?”Write it down or speak it. Then inquire if it’s true.
Eg. I’m thinking “Tom is so selfish! He shouldn't be so offensive”. I think that’s true, yes.
H: HUNDRED PERCENT: Can you absolutely know, one hundred percent, it’s true?
We may be so convinced, that our honest answer for now is yes. So let’s get really clear. Only facts are true - is this fact or opinion? It can only be one. It’s either a yes or no, in this situation.
Eg. It’s not 100% true. I guess it’s an opinion.
E: EMOTIONAL REACTION: How do you feel and react when you believe the thought?
Take a moment and see how you physically react and what emotion is stirred up. Write it down.
Eg. I get really pissed off and defensive. I tell him to “shut the hell up.” It’s interesting to see my reaction and I already see how hypocritical this is… let’s keep going.
W: WITHOUT: Who would you be without the thought?
This engages our higher imagination to picture ourselves free of the belief. How would we feel and act?
Eg. I guess I’d let his comments go and I might even find a way to question them in a friendly way, without emotional upset.
O: OPPOSITES: What opposites can I find?
Thought statement can be turned around to the self, to the other, and to the opposite meaning. Try them on for size and see how they feel.
Eg. 1. I’m so selfish! He should be offensive”
2. Tom isn't selfish or offensive.”
R: REAL EXAMPLES: What genuine, concrete examples can you find to support these?
List 3 if you can. Use your memory to see what really happened and to think laterally, outside of the box, not just literally.
Eg. 1. I can see how judging is selfish, I’m taking it personally I can see how when we are honest we are sometimes offensive and that’s how it needs to be - I like his honesty.
2. I remember he was nice to me when I met him, he helped me last week and he was considerate when he and I got together yesterday. This is evidence that he’s a rounded individual who sometimes is a bit too aggressive and direct for my tastes.
K: KIND, OK?: Is it OK to be how you are? How can you be kind to yourself and others?
How could you talk kindly to yourself, as if you were someone else that you cared for?
What kind advice, plan or reframe could you offer? Write down how you are ok, you are good enough.
Eg. It’s OK for Tom to speak his mind and to look after his needs. It’s also OK for me to be upset. The kind thing to do would be to tell him, and maybe to own my feelings, as my responsibility at the same time. I can try and understand what he meant and tell him how I interpreted it and felt.
WHY THIS WORKS
The beauty of the work is that it allows us to see the thought and break it down to see it’s origins are usually in a self-judgement. You might be surprised how often the judgement we have of others are about ourselves and visa versa. When we exhibit shame - judging ourselves harshly - it is often reflected by someone elses judgment of us a long time ago, when we were young. We internalise that programming as a ghost - a voice that repeats. Until we slow down and do THE WORK of ghostbusting it will keep making us feel terrible and acting from emotional upset. With some work done we soon find that every situation that triggers the painful feelings and thoughts ( the belief inside), is a gift of self learning. We become more wiling to experince that pain and difficult situations.
My advice when using this?
ASK FOR HELP
I teach these methods in 1-1 sessions, so if you are interested please get in touch. I run Skype sessions for just £15/hr, so if you'd like to run through some of the mental projections with some help please get in touch! Email: firstname.lastname@example.org.
“When they attack you and you notice that you love them with all your heart, your Work is done.”
Neil Morbey is a meditation teacher, group facilitator and inspiration guide for Positively-Mindful.com