First it's important to understand the theory of:
Three Emotion Regulation Systems
1. Overactivation of the Drive System + Threat System What happens: In modern life, many people overuse the Drive System to escape uncomfortable feelings triggered by the Threat System. For example: feeling not good enough (Threat) → overworking to achieve success (Drive) → brief reward → burnout, anxiety, or shame when goals are not met → back to Threat. How it feels:
A person constantly works late to avoid feelings of failure. The temporary high of achievement masks deeper insecurities, but when praise or results stop, the Threat System reactivates with shame or fear. 2. Underdevelopment of the Soothe System What happens: When the Soothe System is weak (common in people with trauma, neglect, or high-pressure environments), there’s no “emotional brake.” You can get stuck swinging between Threat and Drive, with no inner safety or contentment. How it feels:
Example: Someone tries to meditate but feels anxious or like they’re “wasting time” — because they don’t yet know how to feel safe doing nothing or being compassionate to themselves. 3. Threat Hijacks Both Systems What happens: The Threat System can hijack both Drive and Soothe: It turns Drive into compulsive striving. It blocks Soothe with fear of vulnerability (“If I relax, I’ll lose control or fail”). How it feels:
How to Find Balance Among the Three Systems ✅ 1. Build Awareness of the Three Modes
In Summary:
I help people with this 1:1 and in relationships and in groups. I run Building Secure Attachments a few times a year to equip people with the skills and tools to do just this.
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We all know just how much hard work goes into maintaining a healthy mind and body. Healthy habits take consistency, and it’s very easy to see a fitness routine and/or healthy diet go awry. And that means achieving good health can be an uphill battle, leaving you feeling exhausted and like you’re always a step behind where you should be. Well, I recommend these books "The Lazy Guru" and "How To Get What You Want Without Trying". (Although Stephen's book about Urban Warrior is better, but this title fits with this blog) You could say it's enlightened to have a big healthy dose of lazy in your life. I think there are ways to take some of this hard work out of the equation. Making good health more accessible is the best way to keep you on the right track with health goals, and that’s something we can help you with using the tips down below.  Pexels Image - CC0 Licence
Stephen Russell’s Barefoot Doctor’s Handbook for the Urban Warrior is a guide to navigating modern life with Taoist wisdom, energy practices, and mindset shifts. Here are five key lessons from the book:
Alongside this... Join a Support Group You’re not alone in trying to achieve better health for yourself. There are going to be many others in your own neighbourhood or town that are trying to do the same. Because of that, it’s worth looking into a local health support group, whether you’re trying to work on a mental health goal or a physical one. You can also get some support from people qualified to provide it, such as PTs that work at your local gym, or counsellors who have an office in your town center. The first step will always be asking for help, and the second is being confident enough to take it. Noninvasive Procedures There are plenty of noninvasive health procedures on the medical market, many of which can be more beneficial for you than the more traditional forms of surgery. Doing your research into such treatments, and how you can access them, can make dealing with your health a much more approachable, low stress subject. Dentistry is a good example of a medical field in which there are many noninvasive offerings. Say you’d like to get your teeth straightened; don’t resign yourself to an operation. Instead, look into clinics like Surbiton Dental, who can offer much more comfortable, long term ways to create the uniform smile you’re after. This is often far more beneficial on your long term oral health, and can prevent mental health worries stemming from a fear of invasive dental work. Set One Goal at a Time Don’t overwhelm yourself. If you want to achieve something for your health, make sure you're only working toward one goal at a time. Otherwise you’re likely to make the work far too hard and far too exhausting, and that’s never going to get you anywhere. Even if you feel like you need to put in 110%, don’t make yourself. You’re not going to give your all every single day, and it would be unrealistic to expect that from yourself. Those of us with busy jobs, busy lives, and little to no free time are often put on the back foot, and setting a goal you’ll never complete will only compound the misery you can feel around that. Don’t make good health harder than it needs to be. Work toward your own with support, clarity, and confidence. Enjoy Remember that laughter is the best medicine, and its free. Use music, movement, humour and laughter to enjoy life and let it flow. Big love Neil |
AuthorsNeil Morbey is a meditation teacher, group facilitator and inspiration guide for Positively-Mindful.com Blog Index
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