FOMO to JOMO: Feeling the joy of now

For starters, turn down the FOMO by de-stimulating on the social media and other junk. Go have a dance instead! 

FOMO is the Fear Of Missing Out; a plague of the mind that is rooted in the fear of ‘not enough’. We all experience this, some more than others, based on your blueprint of life (handed to you by your upbringing and culture) but also by our personal practices. How much time do you spend scrolling screen media, fuelling comparison? 

JOMO is the antidote to JOMO - it is the Joy Of Missing Out.  It is a mental attitude that we can fuel by accepting that when I say yes to something I’m always saying no to something else and that is wonderful! It’s a celebration of our autonomy of choice. You can be the creator of your experience. The good news - NOW IS WOW! Take a look around and experience this moment - it’s amazing. You can have joy now, no need to wait, no need to regret past choices. This moment and this life is unfolding perfectly. 

This brand of positivity can quickly turn toxic.
To help you veer away from poisonous practices remember: 

• Fear is OK too - we don’t need to get rid of it. As Mark Manson points out - acceptance of a negative experience is itself a positive experience. 
• We can still experience Joy in our struggle - it’s normal to have some struggle If you cannot access joy then don’t fight that. Trying too hard to have a positive experience will create a more negative experience. 
• Therefore the challenge is to embrace what is, now. This moment. Become fascinated by the struggle, the boredom, the stress. Take some time off the work task or the phone and be with what is arising.

My Personal Practices
I’ve lived most of my life in FOMO, and I still do and I always will. Coming back to JOMO is a practice. The more I practice being here and now the less FOMO I feel. My personal practice includes:

• Morning routine of going out for a walk (no phone), coming back to work out (music / podcast, no messages), meditation, eating a nice breakfast, reading and writing and THEN I can check my phone 
• Making time for things I love - socialising, cuddling, sex, rock climbing - this is all spiritual practice! The biggest one for me is daily check-ins with friends. I also love to have DANCE BREAKS. Go put a song on and have a dance. Bonus if you dance with another human too!
• Therapy and coaching - receiving help from someone external and skilled helps me to remember the truth - I’m enough.  Book a 1:1 session with me here.

Underneath FOMO
At the core of FOMO is often a phenomenon called social comparison, which is rooted in that old ‘I’m not enough’ feeling. While we may have more tools than ever before to see into other people's lives, human beings have always felt this urge. In small quantities this is healthy - it fuels ambition.

In the 21st Century the barrage of updates showing everything you haven’t got can undermine your own sense of enoughness. Dealing with this quantity of FOMO fuel is the challenge of the modern era. The good news - the larger the challenge the bigger the growth! 

6 Habits That Increase JOMO

1. Meditate: Sit and listen for a minute - focusing on our senses, like the sound of the traffic - doesn’t it sound like the ocean. Let imagery come and go. Be here. Sit up straighter and enjoy. 
2.  Do one thing at a time: Stop multitasking. Put the phone away. Make a to-do list of three things, pick one and put a timer on for 15 minutes. 
3. Take 4 deep deep breaths. The body may need some simple biological regulation. Breathing helps, especially box breathing. 
4. Positive comparison = Gratitude. I’m crap at pure gratitude practice. Instead I imagine someone who is having a hard time and compare myself to them - instant gratitude flows!
5. Be with a friend: Be bold and ask them to listen and reflect what they heard you say, nothing more. Look into each other’s eyes. Share a hug. These things boost us because we are social animals. 
6. Go for a walk: Whether you listen to music or talk with someone, using your physical body to be in your present environment can be hugely connected to the here and now.

Additional tools
If you’re having trouble letting go of that feeling of obligation even after you unplug we can use mental tools like visualisation. I have a tool I call RE-ANCHOR - which helps me “play the tape” of my positive vision, over the negative imagery in my mind. Another version is to ask yourself “How would you feel if you stayed in? If you went out?” Imagining how you would feel can be a helpful indicator of when you need to lean in or lean out.

You can also experiment by doing 1 minute of something. Like: “OK I’ll just do a 1 minute walk” or “1 minute of my coursework”. The starting energy is always the trickiest bit. As I say in yoga / meditation practice: “The hardest move is rolling out the mat”.

I hope you have a joyful day. If you need more help come and talk. Book a 1:1 session with me here.

Big love
Neil

​PS.  Fire - it's so much better than TV / screens