Family Constellations - My Experiences And Ponderings

Image by Silvia Siret who is a Family Constellation guide

Having recently returned from a 5 day retreat I thought I’d write up my experiences of this modality. 

What is Family Constellations?
Family constellations is a therapeutic approach developed by German psychotherapist Bert Hellinger that explores how unconscious family dynamics and historical traumas can influence an individual's present-day life. It works on the principle that individuals are deeply connected to their family systems and may be entangled in patterns, issues, or emotions from past generations. Through a group or individual process, the method uses representatives to physically and experientially reveal these hidden connections, leading to a resolution and release of emotional burdens. These are some principles:

• We are all part of a long line of ancestors stretching far back into the past.
• We carry their genetic code and also parts of their culture, passed on through generations.
• We have proven, scientifically, that experiences are passed through genetics, especially trauma. We call it epigenetics. A prominent Transgenerational Epigenetic Inheritance (TEI) mouse experiment, conducted by Dr. Brian Dias and Kerry Ressler at Emory University in 2013, involved conditioning male mice to fear the smell of acetophenone (which has a cherry blossom-like scent
• FC postulates that through the playing our and intervening in a person’s constellation we can heal wounds within their family but also 7 generations back and/or forward. 

My image at the top is from Silvia Siret – Family Constellations Life Coach, an old fiend of mine. Check out her page for a more detailed explanation of the processes involved. 

My first time: Ember combe with Barbera Morgan
Probably a decade ago I attended a short weekend retreat. Back then I was more sceptical, but I remember experiencing the ‘magic’ of the work. I remember taking part in other people’s constellations. As a representative for someone else’s father I felt strange feelings and odd visual memories coming up. This is a major component of how they work. Each person who is brought into the centre of the circle is asked to continuously tune in as the process unfolds. What emerges is often spooky and profound. I can’t remember much from this weekend but I have some spooky examples to come. 

2024: Buddhafield with Lisa Friedberg
I loved Lisa’s style and in particular her introduction of what FC is. We had a huge tent full of people, maybe more than 100. She said things like:

• Nothing is coincidence. We are brought together as part of a complex tapestry. 
• This is a unique constellation right now and we are here for e reason.

I remember in Lisa's workshop I got to play the part of a dead father of the woman doing the constellation. I was in tears feeling a deep love for her. There were changes during her constellation and Lisa invited us to try certain phrases, often to assist in the healing process, such as “You are my daughter and I loved you into existence”. During the consolation I hugged the woman and I really felt as if I was her father. I left feeling deeply moved, which in itself is inspiring. 

2025: Buddhafield with Richard Buckworth 
I help run the men’s area at Buddhafield and this year Richard attended, who is a seasoned pro with FC. His workshop had around 20 men in it and the man who was exploring his past constellation had themes of violence within it, meaning he had to hold of energy and it was very intense. At one point we all helped hold the man so he could rage. I found Richard’s style to be very guiding - he offered a lot of knowledge about the process and many verbal interventions for all the representatives. This stimulated a lot of emotion. It seemed to me that the facilitator’s skill and intuition is very important in this process.  I also pondered how much his interventions guided things and questioned if this was a bit of a puppet show?

Petr Málek: Path of Soul and Shadow 
I’d heard excellent things about Peter’s facilitation and to be honest I was at first sceptical, especially as, on the first night of the five day retreat I attended with him in Wales he openly shared his ideas about what was going on for some of the participants, before really setting up a safer container.
However, upon seeing him work skilfully over the next few days I began to trust his intuition, skill and love and I was profoundly inspired. He has a very direct style, a soft deep voice, which he uses skilfully, with dramatic pauses and gentle pace. He trusts himself. Some might consider this arrogant but I think he was really trying to offer truth from his heart and help trigger some emotion in people, to help them to connect to their truth. 

Constellations AND Shamanic Healings
The 5 days were incredible and we got to do a constellation or a shamanic healing for each of the 20 participants as well as engage in group discussions about the work and to hear lengthy daily sharing from each person. What emerged was a group dynamic of deep love and trust. Petr’s version of a Shamanic Healing was a more receptive version of FC which is intended to heal past life traumas. I was sceptical already, when he told us this. I also remained open to the possibilities. He has one participant lie in the middle of 8 people, who represented 8 key energies:

• North - Spirit / Soul - This was the energy that we were focused on during the retreat. Petr did some incredible exercises to encourage us to tune into and follow our spirit throughout the retreat. I really liked this mysterious quality. Whether I believe in it or not I love the feeling I get when I consider my soul.
• South - Bod 
• East - Emotions / Inner Child
• West - Heart Mind - I think this represents the more adult sense of self. In ancient Chinese medicine emotion and reason were not considered as separate.
• North East - Ancestors
• South West - Karma / Knowledge of past lives
• South East - The Dream - The mission of this person in this life
• North West - Energy - The life force that motivates the person to live

My Experience of the Shamanic Healing
I took part in supporting a female recipient and I ended up sat in the position of North West (Energy). During the healing process I witnessed a man, representing the recipient’s emotions, display real and deep grief and said some things that were incredibly apt for the participant and no one knew them beforehand. So there was no priming and the recipient did not display any clues in their body language. This is anecdotal evidence for something deeper at play. Were we really tuning into her soul and past lives?

Pondering - What Is Going On?
My theory is that we humans do have a deeper connection than we know. The subconscious and the genetic connections work on levels that we have not fully discovered. However science does have a basic understanding about mirror neurons, epigenetics and body language cues that could somewhat explain the spooky connections and coincidences. Are we picking up on subtle cues and being primed by the skilful facilitator to have strong emotional experiences? And to what end?

My Constellation
Regardless of all the rational mind stuff I went into my constellation with an open mind. In the end we only did a basic piece with a woman representing ‘love’ but she could also represent my mother, because before the constellation I shared both my wish “To feel genuine love” and some of my background, which included information about how my relationship with my mum affected me. It was a powerful piece of work that had me slowly walking towards her and acknowledging my pain but in a more truthful way. “I missed you”, “You gave me life”, 
At the end of the work I had received a powerful emotional experience to help me confirm the receiving of genuine love. I think this is what makes the therapy so powerful. Humans need profound emotional experiences to anchor psychological changes. Accepting the truth, forgiving our forebears and coming towards a positive intention is all part of it. 

Would I recommend it?
I had a fascinating time at the experience and I really liked the ‘grounding practices’ in the breaks, which included working on the land with the local community. After every break we would dance together to loud music - which I loved. Petr offered some brilliant exercises all designed to help us come back to forgiveness, acceptance and seeing our own blame and shame and how they repeat patterns of dysfunction for us. He wouldn’t put it that way but I could see the underlying processes and I was impressed. I think the danger of this work is that people get so swayed with the ‘woo’ and so enamoured with Petr that they believe it too much and can have a hard time staying grounded in the reality of the present moment. Nonetheless I would recommend it, especially if you like a challenge with a facilitator who will be quite direct and strong in his approach. 

And now...?
I’m personally going to direct my energy back towards attachment theory and habit change, grounded in evidence based approaches - both for myself and in what I offer to clients. I’m excited to add to my next course of Building Secure Attachments with some of my learnings and if you’d like to work with me please contact me today.
​

Coed Hills Rural Arts Space where I did FC in 2025