My hypothesis of why I have ADHD and how I am improving it

I'll preface this with a BIG caveat. All of the following is my OPINION, which is not based in research., but on my experience and ideas. This may be different to your experience. I'm open to hearing about this in the comments below. Please be nice. I'm not trying to attack you or anyone's disability. I struggle with ADHD symptoms and I have felt the shame and blame around my struggle with focus, hyperactivity and distractibility for most of my life. This is a very comprehensive review of ADHD if you're interested

ADHD is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Gabor Mate describes it a not heritable, nor an illness/ disease, but instead a stress response (from childhood) which results in neural pathways of: 

• Tuning out regularly
• Easily Distractible (when things are not fun / physical)
• Poor impulse control of the mind/body
• Hard to sit still / Fidgeting is common 

Like Gabor, here are what I think are the causes of my ADHD: Stressed parents, chaotic childhood, bullying and bad teaching, a terrible diet and sedentary habits 

1. Stressed parents. My parents were in a very tough situation when I was born. They both smoked and drank and they had relational issues.  This meant I felt the stress even when in the womb, and certainly in my first few years of life, before memories formed. This leaves me with some physical symptoms that are somatic, but non verbal or image based. 

Our caregivers (usually parents, but could include other relatives, siblings and teachers) may have argued, been in poverty, been abusing substances or been the product of their own past traumas. They pass on stress, because as babies and toddlers we pick up on these cues of danger. Gabor mate talks about this here (with a really useful definition). If we have nowhere to go and we can't fight it off or change it we adapt to cope by scattering our attention. We become distracted as a survival / coping mechanism. This is complicated further by...

2. A chaotic childhood. My father was absent (working and providing) and when he was home he was often angry and there was a lot of shouting in my house. This was exacerbated by alcohol abuse. My older brother struggled at times which led to him being angry and often violent with me and I often didn't feel safe. This IS a type of prolonged trauma, which essentially gives children a level of CPTSD.
Since I wasn't given many boundaries (as both parents were workaholics and very busy) then I needed something to feel safe and soothing. I adapted by retreating to my room - I watched lots of TV and later played computer games and around age 11 - porn . This fundamentally changed my brain and the way I interact with pleasure / dopamine. I used the wrong things to soother myself and get instant gratification, because I wasn't guided or supported to find better ways. 

Children are often overstimulated by the world they grow up in and they are not guided to learn to emotionally regulate. Not being given enough boundaries to make a solid morning and bedtime routine with regular sleep, quiet screen-free conditions, let alone any feelings of safety, consistency and unconditional love.

If, like me, you were allowed to watch what you wanted, when you wanted, allowed to get way with staying up late and playing computer games, or even watching porn and lacking in emotional regulation then you increase your development of isolating ways of self soothing and a 'scattered mind'. Now if a child has access to their own device then screen based overstimulation becomes rampant, overloading the prefrontal cortex and conditioning the child to constantly seek more stimulation. This is further compounded by...
 
3. Bullying and bad teaching. This was awful for me, which meant I felt no safety at school or home for many years. My innocent early years were shattered by secondary school.  I lived in a fantasy world to escape as no where else felt safe. 

If the school becomes a place of fear, boredom and a disorganised mind then its no wonder the mind gets trained into distraction. They mind will always adapt and work out ways to be OK enough, even if that means taking all the focus away from reality and living in a fantasy world of dissociation. This persists into adulthood.  Also at school and home one can have...

4. A Terrible Diet: I'm blessed that my mum gave us a well balanced diet with home cooked food. However I was allowed far too many sweets. I had a mild biscuit addiction which lasted until I turned 30 I was getting feint and believe I had Prediabetes. I read 'The Easy Way to Quit Sugar' and I sorted it out, but it was tough. I'm also blessed to have a partner who understands nutrition and helps me eat less ultra processed food. 

I believe artificial 'food' substitutes, artificial colours, flavours and preservatives, along with ultra-processed ingredients and of course sugar compounds everything and changes the chemistry of the body to become accustomed to empty calories and therefore just seek more and more food. But not real, healthy, wholesome food, but the body is accustomed to cheap, substitute food, like chicken nuggets, sweets, white bread etc. This is also exacerbated by...

5. Sedentary habits: I was forced to sit down far too much at school and my home computer use made it worse again. I'm blessed to have discovered rock climbing and have a sporty mother who encouraged me out onto walks.

Children are made to or encouraged to sit down way too much. The body needs to move, especially in children. They need to develop healthy habits around movement so they can grow good bones, muscles, tendons, cardiovascular health and brain health. It's all related to our familiarity with regular movement. If children sit in classrooms all day and then on computers, TVs or devices all evening then their bodies suffer and the brain doesn't develop properly. 

All these traumas, conditions and habits can set the foundation for adult life. ADHD is, I believe, a common outcome, especially now that we are all cyborgs. 

So what's the cure?

Well if we put aside the genetic component (seeing as we cannot prove or do anything about this) and look at these factors we can  try to give children healthy childhoods. (more below)

Start with ourselves

If you're an adult with ADHD, like me (thanks childhood) then you could try what I am trying to help yourself progress (not become perfect) into a calmer and more present and focused set of habits.

1. Learn to meditate. It's vital that you embrace boredom and reset your dopamine pathways to discover pleasure in more subtle things. Meditation is the best way to do this. Vipassana is the simplest way. A 10 day intense retreat is good, but you may want to prepare and warm up to it. It's a bit like running a marathon. Train first. 

2. Fun movement. Find things that are fun. I like martial arts and frisbee and rock climbing. I can't just go to the gym or run - not enough dopamine. Find fun movement! I love to dance to great music. Find what works for you and build it into your routine. 

3. Make a routine. Get good at bedtime and morning. Integrate movement and meditation into these. And do not use the devices in bed. Screen free mornings and bedtimes. 
Reduce screen time and notifications. Edit it right down to the bare minimum. 

4. Sort out your addictions. Many ADHDers have them because that the result of the childhood stuff. Get yourself into a 12 or 10 step program of recovery (I did this and it's massive). And/Or...

5. Therapy / get help: Start. I recommend EMDR, somatic experiencing, parts work (IFS) or anything really. Just start to open up yourself to another human being and trust in a process of healthy recovery of your true nature so that you can understand where things went wrong and build in new healthy self-regulation and soothing practices with big dollops of compassion and clarity. Also in the UK get some help from 'Access To Work' - your disability deserves help. 
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6. Eat well. Stop buying crap and eat real food, with a healthy balance of colours and types. Personally I like a 50% meat/fish content. I also take supplements like creatine and vitamins. 

7. Sort out your relationships: Isolation and social problems exacerbate everything. To help you here see a coach, go to workshops or couples counsellors. Start to have better friendships and better romantic, intimate and sexual connections. This may take time so finally...

8. Be kind to yourself. Whether or not you meditate, or even feel like you can meditate, practice kindness and compassion towards yourself. Then ADHD managed or un-managed is not such a terrible spectre looming over your shoulder. Patience, persistence and compassion are absolutely vital. This is where a life coach or self-help books can really help suffice your recovery with all lubricant and rocket fuel to make progress easier and faster.  

A book I read that I would highly recommend on ADHD is Scattered: How Attention Deficit Disorder Originates and What You Can Do About It by Gabor Mate

I've improved my ADHD and you can too. Progress not perfection. If you do the work it works.  If you'd like help talk to me and let's work together. 

And our children?

None of this is easy and I'm only just a becoming a parent myself, so I know its full of guilt and impossible expectations. Ultimately we have to trust our instincts. I believe whatever we can do from this list will help. Progress not perfection. Here's my recommendations from seeing good parenting (by my partner): 

• Create and maintain stable routines with plenty of sleep.  Loving discipline and healthy boundaries are hard but important to maintain. 
• Consistency in the way we parent is vital. Control your anger and be consistent in your dealings. Explain things calmly. 
• Reduce stress in the home by dealing with issues in mature ways, without shouting or hitting one another. This models a safe haven. 
• Learn to help regulate children using calm voices, touch, reducing stimulation and calm rational explanations when children are 'activated'. 
• Keep children away from devices and even screens for as long as possible and help them to regulate screen time, up to age 12, if possible.
• Feed them real food, not too much, and a balance of colours and food types. Try and use fruit instead of sweets, as much as possible. Regulate the sweet intake and explain why you do this. Model it by doing it yourself. Everyone eats the same foods. This is tricky, so gentle and playful encouragement is needed at times (here comes the airplane!)
• Keep them moving and active. Even if they moan help them to remember that tiredness is a sign that the muscles are getting stronger. Go for walks, swims and dance together. Encourage movement activities like sports and dance. 
• Deal with bullying by checking in with the child regularly. Help them instead of letting them deal with it alone. Include the teachers and the bully's family. Even if you don't succeed the child will feel supported. 

Remember 'Progress not Perfection!' If you do the work it works.  If you'd like help talk to me and let's work together.