WORKING with ACT (Acceptace and Commitment Therapy)

A lot of the people I work with aren’t “broken”. They’re just stuck.

Stuck in overthinking. Stuck in avoidance. Stuck in old relationship patterns. Stuck in anxiety, shame, self-doubt, procrastination… or that familiar feeling of “I know what I should do, but I can’t seem to do it.”

One of the main frameworks I use in my coaching and counselling is Acceptance and Commitment Training (ACT) — originally developed in the 1980s by psychologist Steven Hayes, drawing on behavioural psychology and mindfulness-based approaches. What I love about ACT is that it doesn’t ask you to “get rid” of difficult emotions or force your mind to be positive. It’s not about fixing you.

Instead, ACT teaches something much more practical:
How to stay present with what’s real, unhook from unhelpful mind stories, and take action based on what actually works to get you what you want! 

No FIXING, more WORKING with...​
Rather than trying to “fix” your emotions or eliminate uncomfortable thoughts, ACT teaches you to make space internally, challenge thoughts and reconnect with your true values. Working with the tool yourself or with a coach can: 

• reflect your patterns back to you clearly
• help you spot your blind spots and protective strategies
• slow the moment down so you can find your real feelings
• support you to act from values instead of fear, pride, or old conditioning
  
  

ACT coaching is practical, grounded, and often deeply relational.

However I found the HEX format USELESS! So I made one that I find works much better:

WORKING (ACT Model) (Made by me, Neil Morbey)
W — What’s happening?

• Question: “What is happening right now (facts + context)?” 
• What it does: This brings you into present-moment awareness and out of automatic reactivity.
• You describe the situation like a neutral camera, not a participant in the drama.
•  ACT principle: Present Moment + Noticing

O — Opinions?

• Question: “What opinions (stories / judgements) is my mind adding to this?”
• What it does: This identifies cognitive fusion — the mental overlay your brain is using to protect you (often via blame, certainty, righteousness, fear). Naming it loosens its grip.
• ACT principle: Cognitive Defusion

R — Real Feelings

• Question: “What real feelings am I actually feeling underneath the surface reaction?”
• What it does: Helps you contact the core emotion (hurt, shame, fear, loneliness, grief) rather than just acting out the secondary emotion (anger, irritation, shutdown).
• ACT principle: Acceptance + Emotional Contact

K — Keeping Safe

• Question: “What is my nervous system trying to do to keep me safe? (Fight / Flight / Freeze or Fawn)?"
• What it does: Reveals your nervous system strategy: defending / avoiding / trying to be right /  , distraction / control / blame / numbing /over-functioning. This is where you see the coping move clearly.
•  ACT principle: Acceptance (instead of avoidance)

I — Internal Conflict

• Question: “What's the internal conflict between differenparts of me? what does each one long for?"
• What it does: This names the inner committee: the protector, the wounded child, the justice-seeker, the lover, the avoider, the pleaser. Each part is usually loyal to a value (safety, respect, love, autonomy).
• ACT principle: Values clarification + Self-awareness

N — Net Result

• Question: “What's the net result of this playing out, in the short, medium and long term?"
• What it does: This is the workability test. It moves you from “Am I right?” to “Is this working?” It also naturally evokes self-as-context: you become the one observing the pattern, not trapped inside it. This is critical in ACT. 
• ACT principle: Workability + Self-as-Context

G — Goal-Directed Action

• Question: “What's my goal? Name it. What one step can I take now towards my goal?"
• What it does: Converts insight into behaviour. Not a perfect fix — just a committed step toward the life/relationship you want.
• ACT principle: Committed Action

Why it works (the logic of the flow)

• W + O = separate facts from story
• R = contact what’s real and human
• K = spot the avoidance/defence strategy
• I = clarify what matters (values in conflict)
• N = check cost + consequence (workability)
• G = take a flexible step forward (commitment)

WORKING is all about ACTing in a way that works to create the life you really want.

Would you like to work with me? Get in touch
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