Musings on Choice and Obligation

Today I has a one to one client and I also utilised the space at Breathe Bristol for the first time to give a free meditation session (the first of a regular Tuesday afternoon event). One of the items we discussed included ‘choices’ and I was reminded of this quote in Susan Jeffers’ book ‘Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway’ (highly recommended):

'You will never make a bad choice. Notice that what lies ahead are simply two paths - A and B - both of which are interesting and have their own set of experiences, trade-offs, pro’s and cons. Each path will have unique "goodies" of experience along the way, regardless of the outcome of the decision I make.'

This to me makes decision making so much less stressful and can change one's perspective completely. This is as simple as mindfulness gets - everything, when viewed objectively, is experience; learning opportunities. This also came up with my one to one client and we talked a bit more about language, which again is a result of reading the book. Susan calls is ‘Pain to Power Language’ and I think that just the simple awareness of the language one uses and awareness of possible alternatives can have a startling effect on one’s awareness of choice.

Pain -> -> -> -> -> -> -> -> -> -> -> -> -> Power
 I can't -------------------------------- I won't
 I should ------------------------------- I could
 It's not my fault ---------------------- I'm totally responsible
 It's a problem ------------------------- It's an opportunity
 Life's a struggle ---------------------- Life's an adventure
 I'm never satisfied -------------------- I want to learn and grow
 I hope --------------------------------- I know
 If only -------------------------------- Next time
 What will I do? ------------------------ I know I can handle it
 It's terrible -------------------------- It's a learning experience

It is important to not ‘trick yourself’ by saying without understanding or feeling. The first step towards REAL change is awareness, the second is acceptance and that’s a whole other topic. If you want to learn more about that, get in touch or come along to the Level 1 and Level 2 workshops in November, where these subjects get covered at an introductory and then a more in-depth level.  This wasn't the only thing that got me thinking about choice today...

FREE GUIDED MEDITATION - MUSINGS ON 'FEELING OF OBLIGATION'
...I gave my first of a regular free guided meditation and self-enquiry session. I’m doing this because it allows anyone to access the work or to come along and try out my particular way of teaching and guiding. I want to create a world where we can support each other into kind awareness, which doesn't always have an ‘obligation of reciprocation’ of money.

Why do I use this strange term,  ‘obligation of reciprocation’? Well, I’m reading a book by Robert Caldini, called Influence, which is all about the psychology of persuasion. The book’s first chapters indicate that the human brain has created many ‘automatic’ responses, otherwise life would be overly complex. These responses include the feeling of obligation when one is given ‘a gift’. That obligation usually encourages the receiver to give something back. This is often manipulated by salesmen or canvassers, such as the Krishnas did in the 60’s when they presented people with a rose or a book. Even though the gift was often unwanted the receiver usually then felt obliged to give something back (a donation). 

I’m reading more about influence as I go because I am seeking ways to inspire people into kind awareness, rather than passing out advice, judgement, or moralising. I encourage and inspire people to find their own path. I therefore teach effective communication techniques, including ‘positive means of influence’ in my Level 2 and 3 courses.  

So, even though this is a completely free session it is interesting to be mindful of the feeling of obligation that may naturally occur - that feeling isn't always negative as it can create a virtuous, energy-giving cycle, but it is always helpful to be aware of choice vs obligation otherwise obligation becomes an unconscious weight to carry. ​

As it turned out some people cancelled and it ended up being a one-to-one session, which we both really enjoyed. We spent the first 20 minutes meditating and the feedback I got was that just this was a huge benefit, because it allowed the person to unwind and to clear her mind. The practice of meditation is something pivotal to helping us relax, connect with our inner wisdom of felt sensation and to become more self-aware. This is covered in depth in all levels of the courses. 

http://www.positively-mindful.com/adult-group-courses.html