Reschooling and Reparenting - Heal and Train Yourself (Like a Kitten)

How many of us get a prescription from the doctor, coach or physiotherapist but don’t complete it and see it through?

How many of us spend too long punishing ourselves for mistakes and spend so much of our lives trying to live up to others' expectations?

Yet if we were to take a pet (like this cute Kitten, Mo-Mo) to a vet we would ensure the pet completes it’s full amount of medication or exercise. If we were raising a young animal or human we would encourage it to live life with freedom and joy - to choose what they do and not worry about others’ expectations. We would love them unconditionally. 

Part of my work is helping myself and others learn to love, care and nourish ourselves, as if we were another - to embed the responsibility deep into our bones. To remember everyday that your job is to love this one, as if you had just been handed a beautiful baby and told to look after it.  How do we do this? First we must realise why we don’t...

Trauma
We are fragile and vulnerable and imperfect. It’s not that easy to care for beings that break, fail, make mistakes. It’s annoying and frustrating to take care of an object that has those traits. As children we were at our most fragile and our caregivers were imperfect, so we developed some incredible beliefs and coping mechanisms to survive and receive the care we absolutely needed then. The problem is that some of these beliefs and reactionary coping mechanisms are with us as adults. We learned to judge, shame and even hate ourselves to fit in and receive love from our caregivers. 

We continue these mechanisms even though we are the ones we now need care from So the first step is to understand our traumas through discussion, meditation, investigation with a trusted therapist. If you’d like to begin that work contact me here.

​Reschooling and Reparenting 
Once we have glimpsed our traumas and reactions that is the beginning of a reschooling and reparenting project that will last you the rest of your life. We need to figure out how we would want another to be treated - not just ‘nice’ - that wouldn’t cut it- you also need to take deep consideration from ‘the four pillars of parenting’:

1. Unconditional Love & Forgiveness: We all make mistakes and we need to know we are loved regardless. 
2. Boundaries & discipline: We need structure and consequences to help us achieve 
3. Nurture and Care: We need help when we are weak and we need to have habits and networks of care ready for those moments. 
4. ​Purpose & Joy: We need to have fun whilst being connected to a deep sense of purpose and meaning

Within my work I help people heal the body and train the mind. Here are some of the main ways in which we do this: 

​Reparenting the nervous system - Healing the Hurts
We need to bring in these principles when reparenting ourselves. Reparenting is a way of healing ourselves. In my work this includes teaching people with:

• Breathwork and Grounding: Learning simple ways to calm the nervous system
• Mindful Massage and Movement: Refresh and relax the body
• Somatic Experiencing and Pendulation: Using awareness of the body to discover and heal trauma
• Counselling with Voice Dialogue Parts Work: Giving space to the inner parts to grieve, express, be seen, heard and understood helps us create inner peace and integration of our shadow

Re-schooling the mind with Healthier Habits 
We were taught maths and English in school, but no one taught us how to live well. They didn’t really teach us to challenge our own thoughts, channel our emotions. These are some of the skills I teach:

• Panicked Protector Parenting: Learning to spot and parent the parts of us that panic, to try and protect ourselves. This is from the work of Positive Intelligence. 
• The STOP technique: Challenging disempowering thoughts, stuck on repeat in four easy steps, based on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): Reframing unhelpful and irrational thought patterns.
• Crossroads Challenge: Exploring our possible paths, based on beliefs and using pain and pleasure as fuel to choose the right path. 
• The 5 Second Rule into Tiny Steps: Utilising the ‘Do Something’ principle to get action underway
• Learning to Love:  Habitualizing love for ourselves and others

One more thing...
It takes a village to raise a child.  Who is in your village? Who are your warriors, your wise elders, your traders and skilled workers? 

If you need help on this journey please get in touch and we can begin to change the way you are schooled and parented. It's never too late to begin again!