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Blog! Seize the day, then let it go 

BLOG INDEX

What happens in a 1 hour mindfulness class?

23/11/2016

3 Comments

 
I’ve been asked by a few people what happens in a mindfulness session. Most people now understand what meditation is - they’ve seen enough meditating buddhists to know that roughly it is a sitting practice of paying attention to one's inner world - the world of breath and sensations in the body. Until experienced however watching and talking about meditation can only take you so far. Like any skill it must be experienced and practiced to yield results.
Mindfulness is a different word to meditation - why’s that? Mindfulness is used a broad term for ‘awareness’ - specifically (as “Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way; On purpose, in the present moment, and Nonjudgmentally.” - Jon Kabat-Zinn). ​
I like my classes to have elements of Playfulness, Presence, Patience and Positivity - so to me mindfulness is “choosing to be with your experiences, (not in resistance or denial), through the senses - aware and enjoying the feelings, softly - cultivating loving awareness.”
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To facilitate this I tend to start with a 15 minute sitting meditation, in the classic Vipassana (insight) style. This is sitting in a posture that represents ‘self-respect’ (most people opt for sitting upright, but for some the body requires lying down or leaning) and closing the eyes to invite in stillness of body and mind. In that time we listen to the language of the body - Sensations, Emotions and Actions (the SEA). I guide as we explore breath, sound, feelings and keep noticing when the wandering mind goes off into thoughts. These moments are a critical part of the practice. To notice where the mind goes, to observe and allow, and then to choose to let go and turn the attention back to the body, again and again. Gradually this becomes easier.

We talk and share after meditation and this usually brings up a discussion of how we can use mindfulness in our everyday lives. I have a host of tools that I sometimes share or we simply listen to one another, continuing to practice mindful listening. 

The final 15 minutes is also dedicated  to meditation - but this time I go with the energy of the group. Sometimes we will sit, other times a walk or standing meditation, or to music, or some other movement. We have even brought in food or smells. Sometimes we use the imagination more to practice a compassion or gratitude meditation. 

These sessions are designed for new or experienced meditators. They help establish a regular practice and explore concerns. The Tuesday class (4pm) I created is donation-based, making it very accessible and the Wednesday evening (7:45pm) has some slightly longer meditations and is priced normally. I hope you manage to make it along soon and experience mindfulness first hand at Breathe Bristol Yoga Centre - located on 20 Upper Maudlin St, BS2 8DJ (book via MoveGB  too) or check out my other courses. 

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Presence - Playfulness: Mindfulness can have both and more.
3 Comments

Understanding Procrastination

11/11/2016

1 Comment

 
I have an uncanny ability to put off the ‘important’ things in life. I do this regularly. It can be very  frustrating - seeming to take two steps forward and 1,2 or even 3 steps back. I can spend a lot of time thinking and judge myself for not actually moving taking action. This is Procrastination! This Blog is about understanding it and exploring ways around it. The War of Art is a book that looks at this very subject and I’ve interpolated a lot of this blog from that book. The book begins:
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Overwhelmed?
“Many of us have two lives. The life we present to the world (which looks dandy) and the and lived life within us. Between the two stands ‘resistance’. We have all left something gathering dust in the loft, hobby or sport we were determined to start but never really did. Late at night you have experienced a vision of the person you might become, resistance stops us from embracing that future.”
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Sometimes I think of myself as a big cat - they spend a lot of their time sleeping. They are built to ambush, so this is understandable. Am I like that? Is it okay? Can procrastination be useful, relaxing, even productive? Or am I just avoiding producing a lot of published material?
WHAT DO I WANT?
​This question is always a useful starting point. What I actually want is to live an integrated life - one life - to relax my facade and be real. So I have my own practices, including a morning routine full of meditation, gratitude and journaling my thoughts. I make a list of the things I really want to get done and even priorities them in terms of importance vs urgency. Despite all this, sometimes, when it comes time to work, I sometimes don’t. I do anything except the top three items on my list. This blog explores why and how we can overcome this. It will be split into 2  parts -  understanding the enemy and befriending the enemy.
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LIFE AS AN ARTIST
Personally I lived many years following the advice of others, in the rat race, and I got ‘fed up’. I no longer live my life in survival mode. I’m done with that. In 2012 I decided to live from love and joy, otherwise what is the point? I believe an artist is simply someone who chooses to create from their higher mind - in touch with their highest joy - in service to an inner calling. This can often be an unpopular endeavour, because the world is run on fear. That fear can make it dangerous to be an artist. The War of Art compares the rat race to a bucket of crabs: “The highest treason a crab can commit is to leap for the rim of the bucket. If you see yourself as an awakening artist then you must be present and strong willed.”

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SHARING AND SELFISHNESS
 

I know that, for myself, only once I have latched onto the rim (analogy for your leading edge of self-actualisation) then I can reach back and help others, if I wish to. And I do - I like to have people join me on my journey of growth. I like helping others. But that cannot be my primary aim, or I will fail - because I’m focused outwardly and not leading from my core. It is generally a good idea to decide what you are for before engaging in things - otherwise you might fall for anything. 

“Self-awareness is not self-centeredness, and spirituality is not narcissism. 'Know thyself' is not a narcissistic pursuit.” (Marianne Williamson)
ARTISTS FACILITATE
Creative work takes time and patience. It is not a selfish act or a bid for attention. It is a gift to the world and every being in it. The book requests: "Don't cheat the world of your contribution. Give us what you've got."  By sharing yourself fully – you are seen fully in your growth, you are daring greatly. This can feel vulnerable. Brene Brown says that "vulnerability is the biggest indicator of courage." For me I choose to practice trust, rather than courage. Artists may conduct themselves flamboyantly in public, but alone they work in humility, by trusting themselves and the process - they know they are not the source, they only facilitate. They are willing and skilled instruments.​​

​RESISTANCE CREATES A FOG IN THE MIND

Resistance feels like a low-grade misery or anxiety pervades everything. We become bored, stressed and restless. Eventually this will lead to craving for relief from the tension - which can lead to addiction of a vice… or to ‘Ad-vice’ . Resistance encourages this tension by focusing on the negative potential consequences of what will happen if you have the gaul to teach, or put your half-baked opinions into the world. The mind says to you: “Don’t be so egotistical - you might hurt people!” There is a fear that you might then add evidence to the beliefs of how crap you judge yourself to be.  This is the FOG of Fear, Obligation and Guilt.
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What looks like 'play' can actually be 'work'.
PictureProfessionals come in all shapes and sizes.
FORGIVE
What will convince you to go ahead, in the end, is knowing that you will be unfulfilled if you do not go for it. If you’ve hit this point you know what you need to do.  We hardly ever regret doing things, but we very often regret not doing things. To overcome this practice forgiveness - to yourself and to others. This will help you relax your hold on mistakes.

RESISTANCE IS FEAR
Because resistance needs forgiveness - like all sensitive parts of you - They need TLC  (including tough love). Resistance is fear, but so cleverly disguised.you won't even know it hit you – resistance counjoured up this ninja in the dark recesses of your mind to protect you. YOU trained it, by indulging your fearful thoughts, to stop you feeling vulnerable - to stop you chasing your dreams. Real resistance is far too cunning to show itself as naked ‘fear’.It shows up as ‘rationalisation’, - the self-deluding spin doctor, presenting us with a series of plausible, rational justifications for why we shouldn't do our work. 


PROCRASTINATION IS THE RATIONAL CHOICE
Rationalisation can breed victim mentality (it can also be very useful in life). The way out of victim mentality is to take personal responsibility for your life and be the change you want to see in the world, despite the odds - because you know the destination is not the point. It is the process and the being seen as inspiringly vulnerable in that process. Over time you will relax into that vulnerability. It will expand your comfort zone.  

Procrastination is easy to rationalise. We don't tell ourselves – I'm never going to write a symphony – instead we say – I'm going to start writing my symphony tomorrow. Procrastination comes from the Latin 'Pro' (forward) 'Crastinate' (belonging to tomorrow). It literally means ‘the repeated forwarding on the belief that this endeavour belongs to tomorrow’. To defeat this we realise that ‘tomorrow never comes’. We remind ourselves - “This moment, right now - this second - we can sit down and do our work – and take the first step in changing your habit.”

PROFESSIONALISM
The opposite of Pro-Crastinate? Pro-fessional. Professional comes from 'profess' (to declare openly) and 'fateri' (past participle fassus "acknowledge, confess,"). Hence it is the going into honest, open declaration of something inner.

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Your creations can keep inspiring you - only if you share them
RUN TOWARDS TROUBLE 
Trouble and strife, stress and cruelty – these could also be resistance shrouded in or as external stimulus. The professional will not tolerate or be distracted by the threat of trouble - professionals prevent these things from interrupting their flow. They learn how to respond to inevitable, uncontrollable stressors and cut out stressful situations and people from their lives, as much as practically possible.  This means when they do procrastinate they rename it as 'creative exploration time.'

YOU ARE NOT ALONE
If you think your alone - don't worry, you're not alone in this concern. As an individual we fear that if we embrace our dreams we must prove worthy of them. That scares the hell out of us – we think we might lose friends and family and wind up even more alone. Even though this is possible (but not likely) you can choose to convince yourself that you are never alone. Each of us is tapped into an unquenchable, inexhaustible source of wisdom, consciousness, and love. Sometimes we lose some friends, but we find different friends, sometimes in places we never thought to look and the best place to look is inside, seek inside long enough and you will find not only a body of trillions of cells each working to help you but also a highly creative imagination - this can become your best friend or your worst enemy in times of trouble. Also, the more we become our true selves and express that, the more we attract the people that really like the true us, instead of the facade, and repel the ones that are not right for us.  Overall I suggest cultivating friendship- both within and without as the start of your process. 

By now we are beginning to understand the enemy within - fear of being alone, fear of not being good enough and of causing trouble - all dressed up as rationalisation, procrastination and inner resistance. The next Blog will reveal some of the specific skilful approaches to befriending the resistance by starting our work skillfully. ​
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Can you decide to be a pro?
1 Comment

Transforming Hatred with Kindness - Storytime!

1/11/2016

2 Comments

 
​Hate is a type of anger that burns hard - it's like a poison acid, burning from the inside out. Just like an acid it can be used skilfully - energy can be channeled into electricity, when used with loving intention and acts of kindness. It can power you to do great things and purify your heart, as we learn from this old story (which I've adapted).
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Marion's Magical Hate-Filled-Kindness

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Marion could not stand her mother-in-law’s bad temper and dictatorship any longer, and she decided to do something about it.

Marion went to see her father’s good friend, Dr Guld, who sold herbs. She told him the situation and asked if he would give her some poison so that she could solve the problem once and for all. Dr Guld thought for a while, and finally said,

“Marion - I will help you solve your problem, but you must listen to me and obey what I tell you.”

Marion said, “Yes, I will do whatever you tell me to do.”

Dr Guld went into the back room, and returned in a few minutes with a package of herbs.

He told Marion, “You can’t use a quick-acting poison to get rid of your mother-in-law, because that would cause people to become suspicious. Therefore, I have given you a number of herbs that will slowly build up poison in her body. Every other day prepare some delicious meal and put a little of these herbs in her serving. Now, in order to make sure that nobody suspects you when she dies, you must be very careful to act very friendly towards her. Don’t argue with her, obey her every wish, and treat her like a queen.”

Marion was so happy. She thanked Dr Guld and hurried home to start her plot of murdering her mother-in-law.
Weeks went by, months went by, and every other day, Marion served the specially treated food to her mother-in-law. She remembered what Dr Guld had said about avoiding suspicion, so she managed her temper, and treated her like her own mother - with kindness, patience and fair boundaries (after all, love is about looking after oneself too). After six months had passed, the whole household had changed.
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Marion had practiced kindness so much that she found that she almost never got mad or upset. She hadn’t had an argument in six months with her mother-in-law, who now seemed much kinder and easier to get along with. Marion was even able to talk about her difficulties with her mother-in-law, and show how hard she was finding life. This vulnerability opened up the love within the connection between the two women. 

The mother-in-law’s attitude toward Marion changed, and she began to love Marion and developed an empathetic understanding. She even declared her love to her friends and referred to Marion as her own daughter, with appreciation.

​When calmness and kindness entered the house she could see that she was bitter in the past, and vowed to change her ways from now on. 

Marion's family were very happy to see what was happening too and the kind acts inspired even more loving and compassion within her partner, brothers and sisters. She went to see Dr Guld, saying, "Thank you Dr Guld - I realise now that the herbs were not poison, just nutritious, to improve her health. The only poison was in my mind and my attitude toward her, but that has been all washed away by the love which you inspired me to give to her.”

She was still angry at the Doctor for tricking her! She realised she could channel that into something more useful and loving too.  

Can you make a conscious choice to feed your love, rather than hate - to see the good qualities of the person in relationships , act it out, if necessary and gradually and surely let time heal relationships.
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2 Comments

    Authors

    Neil Morbey is a meditation teacher, group facilitator and inspiration guide for Positively-Mindful.com

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    Blog Index
    1. Why I’m done with the 'cult of self improvement' and Goenka's rigid Vipassana
    2. EMDR and AIP models for trauma therapy
    3. ​Mistakes are opportunities to learn, grow and connect
    4. ​Broken Leg, Broken Bank? Here’s How to Keep Your Finances Healthy When You’re Not
    5. ​It's Time To Stop Being Ashamed Of Our Mental Health
    6. Mind - Body Health Benefits: How mindfulness connects it al
    7. My hypothesis of why I have ADHD and how I am improving it
    8. Practical Steps for Finding Peace After Loss
    9. FOMO to JOMO: The Joy of Now 10/09/2024
    10. Mentoring-teaching-what-to-think-as-well-as-how-to-think 15/8/24
    11. Putting Intersectionality into daily practice  27/05/24
    12. Self-Care is not a job, it's awesome, fun and wonderful!  10/04/202
    13. How Active Rest Refreshes Us 05/04/2024
    14. Voicing Vulnerability awaken-the-adult-state  05/03/2024
    15. How To Do A Daily Check-In And Intention Setting 27/11/23
    16. Fuel inspiration by pondering the beginning of all life 23/7/23
    17. The Gentle Village - A place to talk about relationships ​3/3/23
    18. Imagine if... you loved healthy habits ​24/12/22
    19. Philosophy is BS 7/11/22
    20. 3 Powerful Journalling Tools To Process Troubling Thoughts 27/9/22
    21. SAFER communication to help in emotional conversations 2/9/22
    22. Re-Schooling Ourselves: Refreshing Our Narratives 25/8/22
    23. Grounding: Stabilize your Wobbles 22/7/22
    24. How to appreciate your struggle 10/3/2022
    25. Allowing Ourselves To Rest 2/2/2022
    26. Committing To Your Deep Truth: Your Mission 19/1/2022
    27. The Attention Wars - Know Your Enemies! 24/11/2021
    28. Practices To Improve Polyvagal Tone 12/11/2021
    29. Being good enough - letting go of 'exceptional'. 8/11/2021
    30. Reschooling and Reparenting - Heal and Train Yourself (Like a Kitten) 26/10/2021
    31. Compare and Despair? Remember Now is Wow! 12/10/2021
    32. Using Self Awareness to Overcome Negative Emotions and Heal Your Trauma Patterns 5/10/2021
    33. How to find true love using meditation 28/9/2021
    34. 7 Steps To Establish a New Habit 20/9/2021
    35. Understanding the Main Styles of Counseling 21/5/2021
    36. When to listen to your gut: The power of intuition and instinct 1/3/2021
    37. Breaking the Lockdown Blues 4/2/2021
    38. Trying to Change a Habit? Forget Dopamine Fasting, Take a Holiday! 20/11/2020
    39. How To Liberate Yourself From Wounded Patterns 3/11/2020
    40. Overstimulation - The reason you struggle to focus 16/9/2020
    41. Reminding myself everyday: The MORNING routine 12/9/2020
    42. How to STOP reacting to anxiety 11/5/2020
    43. Creating a Meditation Space for Your Home - Top Ten Tips 5/3/2020
    44. Top 5 things the children loved about Mindfulness classes 9/12/2019
    45. What I learned from my week of being perfectly imperfect, ME 27/11/2019
    46. 5 things I learned from a retreat for fools 5/11/2019
    47. How To Meditate - An Example Practice (Body Scan) 25/9/2019
    48. How mindfulness can help you to enjoy the journey. 31/7/2019
    49. Has Mindfulness sold out and become McMindfulness? 24/6/2019
    50. How Nature Can Enrich Your Mindfulness Practice 19/6/2019
    51. Radical Coaching: Shadowing 25/4/2019
    52. Timed Talk & Listen - a tool to practice in relationship. 22/3/2019
    53. 5 Things SOME People Regret On Their Deathbed 6/3/2019
    54. Mindfulness at work: more ways to create balance, focus and clarity. 25/1/2019
    55. Everything you need to know about meditation posture and structure. 19/12/2018
    56. Mindfulness Coaching - is it for you? 23/10/2018
    57. Happiness: How Do We Find The Balance? 19/9/2018
    58. The Work of Ghostbusting: Meet the mind with kind inquiry 25/1/2018
    59. Youth Mindfulness: Why is teaching mindfulness in schools so helpful? 12/11/2017
    60. Youth Mindfulness: Why is teaching mindfulness in schools so helpful? 12/11/2017
    61. Removing Drama Is As Easy As A-B-C! (Part 2 - Spot the signals, name the role.)  24/10/2017
    62. Using Mindfulness to Sleep Better 7/9/2017
    63. 3 Ways you can help your workplace become more mindful. 16/8/2017
    64. Top 5 things the children loved about Mindfulness classes 9/12/2019
    65. What I learned from my week of being perfectly imperfect, ME 27/11/2019
    66. 5 things I learned from a retreat for fools 5/11/2019
    67. How To Meditate - An Example Practice (Body Scan) 25/9/2019
    68. How mindfulness can help you to enjoy the journey. 31/7/2019
    69. Has Mindfulness sold out and become McMindfulness? 24/6/2019
    70. How Nature Can Enrich Your Mindfulness Practice 19/6/2019
    71. Radical Coaching: Shadowing 25/4/2019
    72. Timed Talk & Listen - a tool to practice in relationship. 22/3/2019
    73. 5 Things SOME People Regret On Their Deathbed 6/3/2019
    74. Mindfulness at work: more ways to create balance, focus and clarity. 25/1/2019
    75. Everything you need to know about meditation posture and structure. 19/12/2018
    76. Mindfulness Coaching - is it for you? 23/10/2018
    77. Happiness: How Do We Find The Balance? 19/9/2018
    78. The Work of Ghostbusting: Meet the mind with kind inquiry 25/1/2018
    79. Youth Mindfulness: Why is teaching mindfulness in schools so helpful? 12/11/2017
    80. Youth Mindfulness: Why is teaching mindfulness in schools so helpful? 12/11/2017
    81. Removing Drama Is As Easy As A-B-C! (Part 2 - Spot the signals, name the role.)  24/10/2017
    82. Using Mindfulness to Sleep Better 7/9/2017
    83. 3 Ways you can help your workplace become more mindful. 16/8/2017
    84. How to overcome psychological abuse, mindfully 21/7/2017
    85. Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish 23/6/2017
    86. 3 Steps to returning to your nature 10/6/2017
    87. The words you speak become the house you live in 29/5/2017
    88. Low Energy? Listen to your needs. 12/5/2017
    89. How to stay inspired (not impotent by importance). 29/4/2017
    90. What is Spirituality? (And how does it relate to thinking?) 14/4/2017
    91. Breath Works: practices to program BOLD focus. 23/3/2017
    92. Procrastination part 3: TURNING THE SHIP AROUND 10/2/2017
    93. Loosen your TIES to suffering 20/1/2017
    94. Understanding Procrastination Part 2: Just do it now. 15/12/2016
    95. What happens in a 1 hour mindfulness class? 23/11/2016
    96. Transforming Hatred with Kindness - Storytime! 1/11/2016
    97. When Feedback hurts - Own your Shit - Take a SEAT 4/10/2016
    98. No pain, no gain? 22/7/2016
    99. Life is like an echo... echooo... echooooo.... 8/6/2016
    100. Etymology and Mindfulness of Language 13/5/2016
    101. An Awesome or Choresome Life? 24/4/2016
    102. Mindfulness for Young People? 8/4/2016
    103. Explore the depths of your ocean. 29/3/2016
    104. Let Go and Be - escape the Drama triangle! 22/3/2016
    105. THE IMPORTANCE OF FEEDBACK 2/3/2016
    106. Don't Mindfill 22/2/2016
    107. Love is messy, scary, risky... Love and need? 9/2/2016
    108. Awareness of the road! 30/1/2016
    109. Dealing with the emotional drop 12/1/2016
    110. Tools for patience in meditation and in life. 6/1/2016
    111. Useful language and tools for creating healthy discussion 12/12/2015
    112. Craving the crux: 10 lessons learned from my rock climbing addiction 9/12/2015
    113. PLAYFULNESS AND PRESENCE: TEDX BELFAST 2015  30/11/2015
    114. Orestes, The Furies and The Eumenides (Kindly ones). A story of vengeance, guilt and forgiveness 5/11/2015
    115. Learning barefoot: feeling more 26/10/2015
    116. Musings on Choice and Obligation 20/10/2015
    117. What is enlightenment and what's the process of getting there? 10/9/2015
    118. What is Mindfulness and Why Practice? 3/9/2015
    119. ​​My Vipassana Retreat Experience 9/7/2015

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